


Subscribers of Death

by Herobrinex



Series: In the Name of God [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-16
Updated: 2015-11-16
Packaged: 2018-05-01 23:42:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5225678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Herobrinex/pseuds/Herobrinex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>~Sequel of my previous fic Broken Toys~</p><p>When you're feeling like shit, it’s quite nice to have someone around you who comforts you and helps you through your pain and grief, right? Then why wasn’t Dean open? Why didn’t he let him come close?</p><p> </p><p>Because John Winchester made his way back into the life of his sons by being involved in a car accident, the Winchesters meet the religious Milton-Novak family.<br/>Thats's when the 20-year old Castiel Novak decides to meet the old priest Metatron again, who forces him to enter roads that lead him to a whole new level of 'faith'.<br/>And when Dean Winchester finds out about Castiel's broken family and his dark past, and slowly falls in love with him, the weight on his own shoulders is becoming more and more unbearable for him.</p><p>He would never forgive himself if something happened to Dean. So he didn't. Everything could've ended well. Castiel could've been happy. He had been so close.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Subscribers of Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He couldn’t imagine a life without Dean. It felt like he couldn’t live without him anymore. If he was happy with Dean in his life, would he be unhappy without his presence? What if he would, and Dean was going to leave him? What if Dean didn’t feel the same for him as he felt for Dean? What if that what Dean felt for him wasn’t special at all, and what if he was only aiming for his powers? What if Dean was the same as Father Metatron or Naomi?
> 
> No. Castiel told himself. He couldn’t be. Dean was just… Dean was different. He wasn’t interested in his powers at all. He didn’t care that Castiel was special. Right?

Castiel awoke to soft sheets and the morning light, trickling in through the blinds. Shedding himself of the remaining glimpses of a dream, his eyes were still shut as he soaked in the warmth of his covers before letting his blue eyes see the sun's rays. That moment he noticed the unfamiliar heat that was pressing against his back. It was weird and a little uncomfortable at first, but it felt _safe_. It felt like Dean was shielding them from the mess of their life, the mistakes that they saw themselves as.

He knew their lives were not as pleasant as he had wanted them to be. It was a bundle of problem after problem, mistake after mistake, but with Dean wrapped around him now, it gave him a little hope that they could get through everything together. Suddenly Dean’s fingers twitched against his, the hold of their hands together still strong.

 “Dean? Are you awake yet?”

“Mmmhh.” Dean groaned, turning around so that the other man was facing his back now. “Not yet.”

“Actually I think you are, Dean.”

“Nope.”

“We’ll see about that.” Castiel said teasingly, grabbing the corner of their blanket and shoving it off him.

“Caaaas!” Dean whined as he weakly tried to reach for the blanket.

“Deeaaannn!” Castiel imitated before kissing Dean’s temple. “It is midday already, we have to get up.”

Dean sighed as he fell back onto the bed. “We’re fine. I’m sure we can still lie down for a little bit.”

“What about lunch? Are you not hungry yet?” Castiel asked, still sitting on the bed.

“Nah, I’ll survive.” Dean responded. “Aren’t you _tired_? I mean… Where the heck did you get all this energy from? We just woke up, for fuck’s sake.”

“Exactly! We just woke up, and now it’s time to _get_ up.”

“Jesus, you even _sound_ happy!” Dean grumbled as he turned over to hide his face in his pillow. “It’s _morning_ , Cas!

 “But I love mornings, Dean. It’s the start of another beautiful day.”

“Oh, I bet.”

“Why do you hate them?” Castiel asked curiously as he tilted his head to one side.

“It’s not that I hate _mornings_ , I just hate to wake up. And it’s not like we have anything to do today. Come on Cas, lay back down.” Dean raised a lazy hand to the other’s shoulder, encouraging him back down onto the bed with him.

Even with his assurances, Castiel continued to sit up, although for a while he didn’t do much more than staring at Dean. His hair was a mess, but somehow it still made him look fantastic. In Castiel’s opinion at least.

“I just can’t be lying in bed sleeping all day, Dean.” Castiel said suddenly, dropping his hand onto the mattress so that he could lean back on it. “I have to… I don’t know. I just have to do _something_.”

Dean lifted himself up, elbow propping him up as he draped an arm over Castiel’s waist. “We don’t have to sleep all day. Just relax with me, Cas.”

There was a short pause before Castiel responded. “Alright, but pretty soon we should go out and get lunch or something like that. Because you may not be hungry, but I am.”

Dean let out a little hum of acknowledgement, neither of acceptance nor refusal, as Castiel slid back down. The younger man moved closer so that his forehead was pressing against Dean’s collarbone again. Warm. Secure.

A little smile played across Dean’s lips, his arm wrapping Castiel up in a firm embrace. “See? This is nice, isn’t it?” He murmured, one hand playing idly with Castiel’s hair.

Castiel made a noise of agreement, the sound vibrating in Dean’s chest and sending tingles through his whole body. “It is a little weird, not having anything to do today.” He added, his arms wrapped around Dean. “I mean, it is nice. But it is weird as well.”

“Yeah, it is.”

Lying here with someone was completely new for him. Normally he didn’t like change at all, but this time Castiel _liked_ it. He liked it a _lot._ Wrapped in Dean’s arms he felt safe. He felt special and loved and-

He couldn’t imagine a life without Dean. It felt like he couldn’t live without him anymore. If he was happy with Dean in his life, would he be unhappy without his presence? What if he would, and Dean was going to leave him? What if Dean didn’t feel the same for him as he felt for Dean? What if that what Dean felt for him wasn’t special at all, and what if he was only aiming for his powers? What if Dean was the same as Father Metatron or Naomi?

 _No_. Castiel told himself. He couldn’t be. Dean was just… Dean was different. He wasn’t interested in his powers at all. He didn’t care that Castiel was special. _Right_?

As Castiel was wrapped up in his thoughts, and shifted in Dean’s arms again, he felt Dean’s lips press against the top of his head. “I’m so glad we met, Cas. We both know I suck at this girly talk and stuff, and I sure as hell don’t know what is happening between us, but that’s- I just want you to know that I’ve never known someone like you. You make me happy, and I think… You’re- You’re _special_ , and I-“ An uncomfortable silence started filling the room as Dean paused.

Castiel’s breath caught in his throat. What if he had made the wrong choice? What if Dean _was_ like them?

“You’re just _special_ , Castiel. That’s what I like about you, okay? I-“ Another pause. “That’s all I wanted to say. You’re special. So… there.”

All traces of sleep were gone from Dean’s voice by now, although he kept his voice low in that deep baritone that sent chills through his bones, resonating deep within his very being. Dean’s arms tightened around him, just barely, but it was there. And suddenly it didn’t feel pleasant at all.

 

***

 

Instead of the peaceful silence that should be filling the church, two loud voices were yelling at each other.

_“I just want to make sure that you knew that you made him kill my son. And now I can say with certainty that you were aware.”_

_“It had to be done. Castiel had to be protected from the ones who made him hesitate.”_

_“You could just have sent him away, Metatron! You can’t just kill anybody that’s in your way!”_

_“I didn’t kill anyone. It was your son who k-“_

_“Castiel is not my son.”_

_“Well… He is part of your family, so I can say th-“_

_“He is definitely not part of my family. Castiel is just a pathetic wretch that tried to creep into our company and ruined it entirely.”_

_“I understand that. Don’t get me wrong, but your family still seemed pretty close to me.”_

_“And thanks to_ you, _Father, my youngest son isn’t alive anymore! Do you even_ know _how much pain you have brought us?”_

_“Listen to me, Ma’am. This was the best thing to do and I have thought everything through. There was no safer way. I have prayed for both you and your family, and -“_

_“Oh please, save your prayers. I am very disappointed in you,_ Father _. Or why do I even need to call you that? You don’t look like a good person to me, let alone a Father.”_

_“What? You think I’m a fraud?! After everything I have done to fix you and your family?”_

_“You have caused nothing but pain and suffering, Metatron, and I will never forgive you for killing my son.”_

_“You’re going to die, Naomi. And not only you, but all humanity as well. I warn you, Ma’am. The moment you leave this church without praying for forgiveness, you are doomed.”_

_“I’d like to try that. I hope you burn in Hell, Metatron.”_

And after the slamming of an old wooden door, the silence returned.

***

 

“Sam? Is that you?!”

Sam’s breath caught in his throat after he finally heard the voice of his girlfriend again. “Yeah! I mean… Hey Jess! How are you? How is it there?”

“Oh, it’s so amazing over here!” Jessica said enthusiastically. “The kids are so happy with even the smallest thing, and this one kid keeps following me around and helps me with almost everything, and- Gosh, Sam. I wish you could be here!”

“Wow! That’s- That’s awesome, Jess.” He sighed. “And yeah, I’d love to be there with you. I just… I think I miss you, but it’s- Nevermind.”

“Ugh, yeah. I miss you too, Sam. Let’s just, I dunno, pretend we’re sitting in front of each other and casually talking about the weather or something. I really want to forget about any type of distance right now.”

“Erm… Okay? But we can’t just pretend that everything’s fine! I mean-”

“I thought we were gonna talk about something else! About Dean, for example. How is he?”

“Dean’s… I don’t really know, honestly. He’s been a little absent for the last couple of days. I guess he’s more worried about Castiel than his usual stuff. But why can’t we talk about you and me f-”

“Castiel? Why?! Did something happen to him?”

“Oh, Cas? Nothing special, I guess. At least for all I know. Dean and Cas have been hanging out a lot lately. I think it’s their way of becoming friends.”

Jessica grinned. “ _Friends?_ You sure there’s nothing else happening between the two of them?”

“Sorry? What?”

“Well, I won’t say that I’m a hundred percent sure but, come on! Isn’t there a little chance that they’re becoming more than just friends?”

“Oh. Erm, I dunno. I haven’t really been thinking about it, actually. There have been other things on my mind, you know.”

“Geez, it’s your damn _brother_ , Sam!” Jessica hissed. “What stupid thing could be more important than your own brother? I can’t believe you sometimes!”

“I was thinking about _us,_ Jessica. Isn’t that important enough?”

“Us? What do you mean, ‘us’?”

“Well, I, uh-“ Sam swallowed. “I wanted  to talk about our relationship because I’m not sure that we’re going to be able to keep it up like this. It’s not that you’re not worth it or something, but-“

“But… But Sam, I can’t-“

“Listen, Jess. Let’s be realistic here. You’re gonna be there for at least half a year before you come back, and even _if_ you’re back here it’s only for a few days.”

Jessica raised her voice. “What do you think I’m gonna do there? Cheat on you? Is it that you don’t trust me?”

“No! No, I swear it’s not that.” Sam said quickly. “But I’m not sure if we should torture ourselves with the distance. I mean…”

“But Sam, I love you! We can’t just… What do you want to do then?”

“Honestly, I don’t know.” He admitted. “But we could both think about it and, yeah. We can talk about it later?”

“Okay, fine.”

“Jess… I’m doing this for us, alright? Do you want to live without me for the rest of your life?”

“Well… You could move to here and…”

“Jessica… That’s almost impossible. I have family here and I- I just can’t. I’m sorry.”

“Okay. I understand.” She said softly. “I’m sorry, it’s a little bit too much for me right now. I just miss you so much and-“

“It’s okay, Jess. We’ll talk about this later.” He said softly. “Is it okay if I call you tomorrow morning?”

“I think so.”

Sam sighed. “I’m sorry Jess. It’s just so complicated.”

“I’m sorry too.”

 “I’ll talk to you tomorrow then.”

“Okay. Bye Sam.”

“Bye, Jess.”

When Sam locked his phone a tight feeling in his chest was growing more and more every second. It was unpleasant of course, but it wasn’t exactly a bad feeling. He knew he was going to miss Jess if they broke. Hell, he was going to miss her a _lot._ But that didn’t mean a breakup was the bad option here. On the contrary, it seemed like the best option at this point.

Sam swallowed. Tomorrow he had to tell her. He had to tell Jessica he had decided to live his life without her.


End file.
